Why eat like your 11-year-old self?
Growing up I was shy—I didn’t like to speak up in class and did my best to fade into the background. Then, the summer after 5th grade, I started to find my voice. I was a varsity at camp and made a lot of new friends, excelled in sports and was a team leader. When I showed up for 6th grade, I had shed some of my armor, felt more at ease, and spoke up.
On the first day of school, my homeroom teacher, Mr. Bower, wanted us to settle down and come to order. He had been my history teacher the year before, so he already knew me and most of the students. Frustrated with our commotion, he called us to attention. I was chatting and being kind of sassy and didn’t pay attention to his demand for quiet. He called me out, “Shy Laura Hoffman, what’s come over you? You’re never the loudest person in the room, take a seat over here,” as he motioned for me to sit far from my friends.
I went numb, I turned every shade of red, lighting up like Christmas, in my first-day-of-school, green-themed corduroy Sassoon jeans and velour keyhole top. At that moment, I crawled back into my shell. My teacher recognized me as the shy girl, I had always been—studious, quiet, and not a troublemaker. My attempt at being 6th grade Laura who was outgoing, funny and at the center of the group, bombed. I learned in that instant, mistakenly, that I couldn’t change. I had to be the person that people thought I was.
I have thought back on that experience often and know that moment, along with others when hiding worked, shaped a big part of my teenage years. At the age of 11 I had solidified my identity as the shy girl. I’m sure Mr. Bower had no idea of the impact he made on me, he was probably more conscious of preserving his own identity as the cool, commanding, handsome, 20-something teacher in control of his class. I can’t help but wonder if I had not been reprimanded for my new demeanor, and had not found safety in stepping back into my old ways, would I have shaken my shyness years sooner than I did?
We all have adopted different identities at various times in our lives. We act and respond the way we do because it serves us in that situation. Often, we evolve in our personality and position in life but continue to practice old behaviors, even when they’re no longer beneficial. Those actions are habits and keep us holding on to outdated images of ourselves. We may not even realize that we haven’t updated our actions to match our adult life.
When I think of 6th grade, 11-year-old Laura, I remember what it’s like to be her. She is me after all, but today I’m a different version. I have some of the same interests, but they’ve expanded, my thoughts are more complex, and my relationships have evolved. I’m generally not shy, but some circumstances bring me back there. Fortunately, I can recognize it, and allow my current self to step in.
These deep-rooted ideas of who we are and how we act impact us on many levels. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we have reverted to a childhood version of our self or haven’t transitioned our actions to match our adult life. This can be true in all relationships including the one we have with food.
Often our tastes in food take on a persona such as I’m a carnivore, a binger, sugar junky, or carb-free. Or even more extreme, we adopt nicknames around our physicality like skinny or pudgy, that our family and closest friends continue to call us. Just like being identified as shy, these strong labels pigeonhole us into a way of being that doesn’t allow for variation or growth. They leave no room for choice or a chance to try something new and they keep us stuck in the past.
The more we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings around food in different situations, we can identify patterns and triggers that influence our eating habits. We can make intentional choices about how we respond and develop new, more positive habits around the way we eat. Just as I had to shed my identity as a shy girl to grow and change, I’ve had to shed my old food identity to become a healthier, more vibrant version of myself. Recognizing the influence of our past experiences and making conscious choices about how we want to use food in our lives, can help shift our food identity and create a healthier, more positive relationship with this important aspect of our lives.