Gut Renovation: Transform from Within
People often say they want to re-invent themselves. They generally mean they want to make a new start, do something new, take a different approach. Invention is creating something that has not previously existed, so re-invention feels like it discards the past entirely. While I’m a huge fan of change and embracing new ways of thinking, acting, and living (and of course, eating! 😊), I don't believe we ever truly start from scratch. After all, we have those years of accumulated wisdom, as my mother likes to say. We have our habits, tastes, beliefs, relationships, and yes, baggage. Short of amnesia, we're never going to be totally new. So, what if we opt for renovation instead?
Renovation, by definition, is to restore to a better state (as by cleaning, repairing, or rebuilding). It is breathing new life, vigor, or activity into an existing framework. Rather than aspiring to become someone entirely new, we engage in a process of cleansing, improving, and ultimately transforming into a better version of ourselves.
I recently undertook a year-long renovation project of my apartment—I know I'm mixing concepts here, changing directions compared to remodeling. But am I? Aren't they both about an internal change? A conscious reassessment of interiors? Unexpectedly, I discovered there are a lot of parallels between the two.
At the beginning of 2023 I embarked on making the changes to my apartment I'd been dreaming of. I decided to take control and make it mine. This decision came after viewing many apartments and considering different neighborhoods, buildings, views, prices, and layouts. I concluded that I had the right space, it just needed an update. What I didn't realize was that it's easier to move than it is to renovate!
Moving, although it requires searching, debating, and negotiating, concludes with a singular choice—I'll take apartment A on Leroy Street with a view of the park or apartment B on 12th with a balcony. It's not necessarily easy, but it's done. You pack up, get rid of some things, buy some new ones, move in, and there you are. As Confucius stated, "wherever you go, there you are."
Renovation, on the other hand, demands a thorough overhaul. It involves a lot of decisions, clearing out, and bringing in. Contractors use the term gut renovation, meaning getting to the bare bones of the structure. The irony is not lost—both transforming physical spaces and internal landscapes get to the gut.
The first step was committing to redefine my space and then find a contractor I could trust with my vision, time, and money. The paperwork alone took six months of back-and-forth interactions with the contractor, architect, plumbers, and electricians. We submitted multiple plans, permits, licenses that all adhered to building, health, and environmental regulations and I paid several fees. The additional 50 questions that were asked after everything was filed truly tested my resolve. I reconsidered my decision multiple times, while simultaneously fighting for the right to do it. Once approved we had to secure a spot on the building schedule which was no easy feat as there was a massive elevator renovation in process.
Finally in June, it was time, demolition was going to begin! Having lived in the apartment for seven years, there was a lot to move out. Moving means you must pick up every item that you own and put it in a box. It is a “this is your life” experience, and after reading Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Joy of Tidying Up, my mantra was "does this item spark joy?" What a great question! Although confusing, and at times bittersweet, it was a liberating and a massive purge. It was relieving to realize I didn’t need to make space for some things anymore and sometimes sad, acknowledging that what used to bring joy no longer did. It was also exciting, releasing the old for new possibilities. All in all, an emotional exercise.
In the meantime, I poured through piles of design magazines and walked through showrooms for ideas. My contractor and I took excursions to buy flooring, appliances, tile, and stone, often having to return and repeat the process as choices were out of stock, or the marble available was different than the samples. It involved a ton of decisions—some were easy and inspiring while others tedious. Who knew that you had to choose every doorknob, color, and hinge? I loved this part of the process, learned more about my taste, and appreciated how my choices were a means of expression. My favorite part was going to the stone lot where I learned to admire the variations in the natural stone and the craftsmanship to mine and hone it—what an education. I now know the difference between marble, quartz, sandstone and so many variations in between. No surprise, I chose Oyster quartzite for my kitchen and a stone called Aspen for my bathroom.
Luckily, the first few months I lived out in Amagansett by the beach. But returning to the construction site in New York City meant daily inconveniences from no bathrooms to dust and noise. I felt displaced often staying on friends' couches and hotels. When I finally moved back, it was still under construction with workers toiling every day as I attempted to put it all back together.
Unpacking, while daunting, forced me to not only re-ask, “does this bring me joy,” but to reassess each item’s role in my life and in my home. As a writer, I felt this exercise echoed the meticulous editing process. Just as words only get better after editing and re-editing, I realized that so does quality of life. I had just edited and re-edited everything I owned. I turned myself inside out and then right side in again, allowing some of what was hidden to emerge and making space for a whole lot more.
As I stand on the other side of this renovation, just in time for the new year, I reflect on the profound nature of the journey. The question that now echoes in my mind is what else needs renovation—plans, habits, relationships, work, exercise, and of course, I would never forget diet. After all, isn’t eating healthy happily about choosing what brings joy and leaving out the rest?
If you're considering changes you want to make in the new year, ignite your own personal renovation and join me for new workshops coming this January. What do you want to renovate in 2024?